


Belief

by RenZai



Series: Saeyoung Week 2018 [2]
Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Healing, Set after 707's route and secret ends, so spoilers for both
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 09:10:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15240102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenZai/pseuds/RenZai
Summary: After everything he's been through, Saeyoung struggles to believe that the family he's managed to gather is real. Little bits of evidence slowly manage to convince him that he isn't dreaming.Written for Saeyoungweek, Day 2: After/True End





	Belief

Saeyoung had spent a significant portion of his life alone, avoiding personal attachments for others’ safety, thinking every day about the brother he’d tried so hard to protect. He was used to that, he told himself he was alright with that and that even being alive was more than he deserved.

The trouble is, now he doesn’t quite know what to do now that he’s not alone. The secure bunker is constantly occupied nowadays - with Vanderwood, who’s become a reluctant sort of friend; with you, for whom the term ‘personal attachment’ seems far too light a description; and with Saeran, who is slowly recovering with each day that passes. 

Part of him - the dark and secret part hidden behind the carefree mask of 707 - is afraid that it’s all going to disappear. You’ll throw off the ring he gave you and walk out the door, never to return. Vanderwood will report you - all of you - to the Agency, and they’ll come in with guns drawn to drag him back to work. Saeran will lapse back into screaming and hatred and cursing, blaming Saeyoung for everything that went wrong, just as Saeyoung still blames himself. Or maybe he’ll just wake up tomorrow and he’ll be alone again, the bunker empty save for the empty chip bags littered around. 

So Seven smiles a little too bright, laughs a little too loud, holds you a little too tight. Because if this is a dream, or if it’s only temporary, he’s desperate to allow himself to enjoy it while it lasts. And if somehow it isn’t, if somehow his lifetime of struggling has led to a family he never dared to dream of, then he doesn’t want to insult you by letting you see the doubts that he’s having. It works, mostly - he can tell that you notice, sometimes, but you don’t say anything. And some days there’s enough evidence that this is reality that his doubts are quiet, at least for a little bit. 

Like when you slide off your engagement ring in order to wash the dishes that have piled up. You give it a quick kiss before setting it off to the side, but that’s not what catches his attention - it’s sweet, yes, but ultimately meaningless. What’s more important to him is the thin strip of paler skin it reveals, a tan line that’s evidence of how rarely you take it off. It’s a sign of permanence, but it’s also a tiny detail that he wouldn’t have thought to include if he were dreaming. 

Or when Saeran laughs. All Saeyoung ever really wanted was for his brother to be happy - and now whenever that sweet laughter sounds, he feels a quick rush of joy and the hope that maybe, maybe he’s managed that at last. Saeran has several different laughs, and Saeyoung delights in discovering each - there’s the carefree one when he’s gaming with Yoosung, the pleased snicker when he’s teamed up with you to prank Saeyoung, the shy giggle when your friend visits. Saeran’s laughter is more evidence that this can’t be a dream - Saeyoung can count on one hand the number of times he heard his twin laugh when they were children, and even if he remembered that sound, he wouldn’t have been able to dream up how it would sound as an adult. 

Vanderwood hasn’t threatened to taze him for weeks now. There’s nothing that’s threatening their lives, nothing left to be afraid of. Vanderwood quit the Agency the same day that 707 did, and became more of a friend than a handler. With Seven’s hacking help, Vanderwood changed their name to Francis Stark, a name Seven didn’t bother to question as he was creating the new identity. Stark still hasn’t told anyone much about their past, but Seven knows what that’s like - if he could, he’d prefer to forget his past as well, and focus on this strange and nebulous future. Stark put away their guns and took up baking, which is something Seven couldn’t have dreamed up if he’d tried. 

It hits him again when he takes a shower, or brushes his teeth, or sits on the bed you share. It’s so obvious now that this is a couples’ space, not just a single guy who sometimes forgets to take care of himself. It’s your bottles of shampoo and conditioner and bodywash in the shower, your toothbrush on the counter alongside his, your phone charger plugged in beside the bed. It’s tiny things that remind him, even when you’re not by his side at the moment, that this has become your home too, that this isn’t going to disappear the moment he closes his eyes. 

There’s almost always a little bouquet of flowers on the kitchen table nowadays. Saeran has a little garden in the small backyard, and every week or so, he switches out the flowers in the vase and writes a little card with the flowers’ meanings. It started off hateful, his soft side and his broken side warring with one another, the spiky handwriting on the card reading “‘Tansy - I declare war on you’ … ‘Basil - hate’ … ‘Peony - anger’”. As he healed, the writing and the meanings got softer, and the latest, neatly written card reads “‘Daffodil - new beginning’ … ‘Crocus - peaceful home’ … ‘Tiger lily - happiness’ … ‘White tulip - forgiveness’”. Saeyoung almost cried when he read the last one, because it seemed too good to be true, just as this whole situation did. Saeran just smiled softly and crept over to his room, allowing his brother a moment to accept the words he couldn’t say aloud. 

Sometimes Saeyoung pauses a little too long, stares too hard at some new thing he’s noticed, goes quiet for longer than usual. And you know what he’s thinking before he even does, and you take his hand with a soft smile. “It’s alright, Saeyoung. This is real. We’re not going away,” You whisper, and if his golden eyes are a bit too shiny when they look into your own, you don’t mention it. Slowly the pauses get shorter, the doubts intrude less, his genuine smile returns perpetually to his face. And he finally believes it’s real. He’ll never know what he did to deserve it, happiness and a family and safety, but when he says “I do” with you in front of him and Saeran behind, the question of whether or not he deserves it fades from his mind. He has it, he has you, forever, and your eyes promise him that won’t change.


End file.
